“Hey kid, did you see who backed into my car?” the man asked.  I stammered and said, “Yes”. I was a terrified 10 year-old thinking I was in trouble for not reporting it when I saw it happen.  The tall, imposing man walked over to me and kindly asked me what kind of car and color it was and was it a man or woman behind the wheel. I did my best to answer his questions, maybe not to his satisfaction, but I answered truthfully and as best as I could.

I told him how I had standing by a grocery cart in the parking lot when the offending woman walked by me, got into her car, started it up then slowly backed out of the parking stall and right into the man’s car. I remember thinking how odd it was that the sound of the crash wasn't all that loud. The woman stopped and inspected the damage she had just caused.  To my surprise, she proceeded to drive away without so much as leaving a note with her name and phone number. Moments later the owner the damaged car walked out of the store and discovered the dent in his driver’s side door.  Even as a child I realized that what that woman did that day was wrong.

My question today is: Who are we when no one is looking? Are we honest with ourselves when nobody is around watching us? I can think of many personal instances where I have failed over the years. We all know people who at times have cheated on tests, taxes, spouses and even sports and games. I remember years ago while in college we had a substitute professor administering a final exam.  As I sat in the back row I observed several students cheat by stealing answers off of their friend’s tests.  They were taking advantage of the fact that the substitute professor really didn’t care!
 
Being true to yourself comes in many forms. Are you honest when taking tax deductions; filing out your time card at work; returning items as new when you actually used the item or something as simple as letting a clerk know when you have been undercharged for an item?

So I ask, “Do you realize that being honest with yourself and others is the core of your character?” By Dr. Michael Brooks Divorce Coach, and Divorce Counselor

I sat outside on my back deck staring at the moon watching the cotton clouds pass overhead through the bright starry mid-August night. You could hear the aspen leaves dancing in the slight breeze out of the west. It was about 11:30, the night was warm as the crickets chirped in unison. Off in the distance, I could hear the thunder and see the lightening storm headed my way.  Just a few blocks away, I could hear cars hitting sewer covers and pot holes, while motor cycles sped up to make it through the yellow light at the Avenue of Kipling and Oak street. The occasional dog barking down the block added the the busyness that late August evening.

I was in deep thought, no matter how busy the outside world seemed. My divorce papers were laying on the oak kitchen table inside the house. I turned my head and glanced towards the dinning room that was in the dark. The divorce papers weren’t going anywhere, just knowing the pain they caused me that afternoon was enough for me not to go look at them for the hundredth time. I picked them up several times during the day, saw my name, the name of my wife, and tossed them back on the table in disbelief. How more of this shock and grief could I take? Was I a glutton for punishment, I asked myself? Should I get up from this comfortable lawn chair and go see if that’s really my name on the divorce papers I received today? I would have to turn the lights on, then look again! Nope, I am going to sit here and take in this evening by myself, no more divorce papers for me tonight.

The thunder got louder, and the flashes of lightening arched across the sky. I could now smell the rain that was headed my way. It was now 2:00 AM, the city seemed to be sleeping. I hardly heard any cars, and my soul began to quiet down. I thought to myself, let’s see, what happened to me today? I got divorce papers served, my life is falling apart, nothing really major happened beside those two things. I was now alone, all alone. I started to figure out what was so loud at 2 AM, it was the quietness of the city and the calming of my heart. I compare it to just after hearing the muzzle blast of a 44 Magnum, and then the silence. Just for that split second, you hear nothing but silence. I sat in the lawn chair, and was alone with my thoughts. Slowly, I realized that being alone with my thoughts was perfectly OK.

This was my time, just for me, for the first time in years I was now alone with my thoughts and feelings. As I closed my eyes and leaned back with my head resting on the back of the lawn chair. I shut my brain down, and waited for the silent little voice that would tell me everything is going to be OK. After all, I have a busy mind that never seems to shut down.

I was very uncomfortable with how quiet the space around me was. Then I began to think, this quietness is not really that bad, it’s not going to hurt me. so, I started to think of my issues that I needed to work on. I didn’t let any outside distractions take over. Let’s just say for the first time in many months, I was in total control of an agenda that was to help me, get to know me. I forgot who I was during many years of a bad marriage. In order to find peace and quiet you need to put that as a top priority in your game plan. I did and it was amazing on what I found out about myself.

    I enjoyed being alone to think about my future.
    I wrote in a journal, keeping tabs on my emotions and feelings.
    I took long walks and listened to wordless music.
    I wrote out my goals for 1, 3, and 5 years, for personal, relational, and business.
    I decided to keep only healthy friendships in my life, no more high maintenance individuals.
    Do at least one fun thing once a week, trips, hobbies, read a book.
    Send or call one person a week and thank them for something they have done for you, that helped me appreciate those who made a difference in my life.
    If you owe someone an apology, make sure you do that in writing or a phone call, so I made phone calls, sent e-mails and letters to those I offended. That made me feel soooo much better.
    The tears I shed were real, and healing. I used to bottle up my feelings and just walk away, no more, many nights I wept from a broken heart, my broken heart.

Learn to appreciate the quiet that surrounds you. The first few weeks or few months, this time of quiet will be in the evening while you’re alone eating dinner or laying in bed. Sometimes it will be while your driving, or even eating lunch. Enjoy these times, they are very healing and beneficial. Healing takes place in the quietness of your heart, learn to have these times, they will carry you through difficult times. Please share your thoughts on this article. How did you handle the quietness you experienced?

Divorce coaching/divorcing counseling Is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment.  And you don’t even have to come to my office.  Sometimes, that makes it feel safer.  We can connect by phone, or use various communication options on the internet.  That also means you don’t have to plan travel time or additional expense to meet with me.  Plus, your anonymity and privacy are completely secure.  I have many out of state clients, who prefer this effective means for Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help. Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment, I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

I certainly know all about the pain of being alone while contemplating the option of divorce.  For me, it happened while we both still lived in the same house. I was broken in spirit, frightened about my future, and had no one to turn to.

I had friends, and good ones, but in the throws of divorce you think, I don't want to burden them with my marriage problems. I need, and have to get professional help-- someone who has my best interests at heart but is objective in helping me get results.

See if this is a picture in which you see yourself.  It's Late at night, you've been sitting on the couch, or lying in bed.  You begin to realize as you stare at the ceiling, maybe my marriage is over. It’s difficult for you to talk to anyone.  You don't want your family or your friends to know what you have been thinking.  Besides, it’s just plain embarrassing. You ask yourself, should I try to save and fight for my marriage, or should I just end it?  It’s all so confusing.

Too often, help seems so far away from you.   Whether you live in the burbs, the country, mountains, the middle of nowhere USA, or even a big city, you can easily feel isolated and alone among the crowds of people.  You try to appear as normal as you can outside, while inside, you’re dealing with your own private turmoil.  You say to yourself, I need someone to talk to! But, where can I go and to whom can I turn to get that help?  I need a divorce coach/divorce counselor to be a sounding board and make sense of my mess for me.  I’m just not sure where to start.

That’s why I personally write for Idontwantthisdivorce.com  Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Divorce coaching/divorcing counseling Is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment.  And you don’t even have to come to my office.  Sometimes, that makes it feel safer.  We can connect by phone, or use various communication options on the internet.  That also means you don’t have to plan travel time or additional expense to meet with me.  Plus, your anonymity and privacy are completely secure.  I have many out of state clients, who prefer this effective means for Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

I counsel and divorce coach many men and women going through divorce in a year’s time. One thing I hear repeatedly from many of the women I counsel is that they got talked into a divorce by well-meaning friends. I have found that some women live vicariously through a friend going through a divorce. They have a tendency to encourage others to seek legal counsel and if the truth were to be known, they themselves most likely are in a fragile marriage!  Friends may not give sound advice and may secretly want to make sure that others suffer as much if not worse than they do. I see this all the time in my counseling and divorce coaching practice.

I recall a female client whose friend lied to her about her husband being gay. This so-called friend lied when she said she saw her husband and his best friend holding hands at a restaurant. My client believed this woman and found out too late that her friend hated her husband with a passion and lied. When her friend was confronted by a pastor she insisted her stories were true. When pressured for specific information she could not answer and the truth was finally exposed.  Unfortunately, the damage had been done. Meanwhile my client told her friends she believed her husband was gay without checking out the facts.  Her friends urged her to file for divorce, which she did.

What saddens me the most about this story is that the husband loved his wife very much.  She broke this man’s heart, divorced him and destroyed any chance of reconciliation. She remarried soon after her divorce and later found out that the man she divorced was telling the truth all along.

When someone tries to convince you to divorce your spouse, ask yourself these questions:

Are they in a bad marriage themselves?
Are they recently divorced?
Are they separated?
Are they cheating on their partner?
Are they newlyweds?
Are they at odds with your partner?
Are they trying to set you up with one of their friends?

If the answer is yes to any of these situations, then run as fast as you can from these people. They do not, I repeat, do not have your best interest at heart. They are living through you and will possibly destroy your marriage. Find people who are neutral and will not take sides. Do lots of fact finding.  Ask questions of your spouse.  Many marriages have been destroyed and torn apart by gossip and lies. Many marriages can be saved if you take the time to do the research yourself. Why not give your marriage every chance it deserves to survive?  Yes, every marriage has its problems but most marriages can be saved if you're willing to do the work and make it happen.

If you're contemplating divorce and need guidance I can help you by walking along side you.  I’ll make sure you understand the end results of the decisions you’re making and why you need to make them. It’s a tough road to travel alone.  Call me and I can help you decide if divorce is in your best interest!

Following are some questions you should ask yourself:

1)    Are you willing to try one last time to save your marriage with proper coaching and counseling?
2)    Do you need guidance to learn how to save a dying marriage or end one?
3)    Does your marriage need someone who can help you discover how to communicate better?
4)    Are you having a difficult time forgiving your partner?
5)    Do you want a divorce and need help with the next step?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has helped many couples save their marriages, and walked couples through the divorce process. He can help you too!

You can go to Mike's blog and comment on today's article at: http://www.applicablecoaching.com/blog.php

Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching and divorce counseling services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (we can help you set up Skype if needed, or request Dr. Mike's Skype contact number). The convenience of this type of coaching and counseling is the most effective means for those who live out of Colorado and the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

"Don't you remember I told you that I would be running errands after work today? I told you last week while you were in the shower. You never listen to me", as she scolded her husband!
 
It’s amazing how at times we think someone is listening to us when in reality they are not!   Who would want a message delivered to them while taking a shower and how many of us would remember what was said?  Think about this: when was the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk with someone that truly communicated back with you?  How many of us assume that the one we’re talking to really understands what we’re thinking or what our next move will be? Many people make those assumptions and I see them in my office everyday!
 
Today we are going to look at ways to communicate better. How can we get our message across with total understanding?  Let's face it; one of the primary reasons for divorce is that couples do not know how to communicate with each other. Lack of effective communication is also a big reason why companies have problems in the work place.  As parents we all struggle at times with communicating with our children.  It can even happen on the football field and basketball courts at the professional, collegiate, and high school levels.
 
A few years ago I encountered a married couple that argued with each other throughout the counseling session. Each claimed that the other was not listening as they went back and forth. I watched and listened to this for a few moments then interrupted them by saying, “Whoa, whoa, listen to yourself!  You’re both talking at the same time and cannot hear what the other is saying.”  They stopped and looked at each other and laughed. They ‘got it’ after it was pointed out to them. How can we know what's on our mate’s mind and heart if we don't take the time to listen to each other? Lack of communication happens on the football field when one defensive back, gives up a touchdown because of his lack of communication with the other defensive backs on his team! 

What are some of the skills we need to learn so we can communicate better?  First of all, we need to take time to listen!  Next, we need to learn how to verbalize our wants, needs and desires. Fully explain what those are and don't assume the other person understands and knows what you want. Go point-by-point and cover the important issues that will help the other person understand where you are coming from. It’s really that simple! Unlike the woman who told her husband she was running errands while he was taking a shower, we need to learn how to communicate at the right time and the right place to avoid a misunderstandings, confusion and arguments.
 
Do you have a difficult time communicating with others? Do you lack the skills you need to get your point across? Do people misunderstand what you tell them? Has your lack of communication hurt you in your past and current relationships with friends and family?

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help. Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment, I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has taught many people how to communicate effectively and he can help you too!

You can go to Mike's blog and comment on today's article at: http://www.applicablecoaching.com/blog.php Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
 
Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike divorce coach and counselor over the phone or via Skype in the comfort of their home. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!